It was a couple days before Christmas, and at his desk, was a recovering Aidan who felt very grotesque. He had suffered a case of something so vile. “I’m much better now,” he said with a crooked smile. However, Aidan was stuck thinking of an article to write. “There is nothing happening in metal!” and he was kind of right. Before he lost hope on what to do next, he got hit up by his homie Drew, in strange written text.

 

“Hey man I got some family coming and I wanted to make a Christmas playlist, but throw in some weird metal Christmas songs. Do you know any?”

 

Aidan sat there, and thought in a very deep pause… “YO, I should recommend songs to headbang with Santa Clause!”

 

5) August Burns Red - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

 

To start this list right, you need something familiar and fast paced, and nothing is better than August Burns Red’s cover of the Christmas classic. If this track does not get you in the right “bright eyed” state you wish for, don’t worry, because August Burns Red has 2 Christmas albums! I am not joking. I guess this metalcore band from Lancaster, Pennsylvania just knows how to get into the spirit of things… or they lost a bet? Regardless, this short and sweet cover should be in everyone’s Christmas playlist this year.

 

4) AC/DC - Mistress for Christmas

 

If the last song did not do it for you, then this one should make you feel warm and fuzzy. AC/DC brought this little number out on 1990’s Razors Edge, confusing many folks that went through the album. Its very existence is still very strange to me, but I can’t help listening to it every winter season. Maybe it’s the Christmas bells in the background that accommodates the well synchronized guitar riff. Or it could be the fact this sounds like the X-rated Christmas classic that was never released due to its scandalous nature. All I know is that AC/DC delivered a banging Christmas track that can get everyone’s head banging.

 

3) King Diamond - No Presents for Christmas

 

Got some rotten little kids in the family, well King Diamond has an anthem for you to play! After Mercyful Fate had disbanded, King Diamond decided that the first single he would release would be… a Christmas song? Screw it, I’m not going to complain. This song completely shreds and has become a huge staple in King Diamond winter tours.  The only way to compliment this song even more, is if you played this song while stuffing stockings with coal.

 

2) Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Wizards in Winter

 

If you were slightly familiar with metal Christmas music, it is probably because of this band right here. A group like none other, Trans-Siberian Orchestra brings the very heart  and wonder of Christmas classics out in a new light. The live shows are like nothing I have ever seen before and musical talent is on par with the greats of past. If you enjoy this track of theirs, then please dive into the whole album “The Lost Christmas Eve” and experience new takes of the songs you grew up with as a child again.

 

1) Ronnie James Dio -  God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

 

Let us put a perfect bow on this list and end with the one and only Dio! Accompanied by Tony Iommi, Rudy Sarzo, Simon Wright, and Simon Wright, this all-star group crush this classic! No other song can flawlessly end a night of cheer like this one. So grab the hot coco, sit by the fire with the family, and blast some Dio.

 

There we have it, ending on a good note. Aidan had finished the article, and was happy with what he wrote.

 

But then he saw the time and it was way past 5! “Oh snap gotta go… OH AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM SLACKER & LIVEXLIVE!”

Maybe you’re tired of hearing me harp on this, but it keeps happening, so I have to keep reminding you. Your favorite country artist (or any celebrity, for that matter) has a blue check next to their name on their social media accounts. If there’s no blue check, it’s not the artist, it’s a scammer trying to take something from you.

Did you see this article out of Rock Hill, SC? A woman there told police that her sister spent two years sending cashier’s checks and gift cards to someone pretending to be Dierks Bentley on Twitter. They exchanged text messages over that two years, and she sent this fraud more than $160,000. That is not a typo.

Last year I had a conversation about this with Granger Smith, who has been really active in going after these fakes, including that time he actually pretended to be a country music fan on Twitter, baited the fakes, and then jumped into a conversation with one. And he said there’s something kind of obvious we have to start thinking about.

And you might remember earlier this summer when Blake Shelton and a bunch of others created this public service announcement reminding you that it’s bullshit.

Don’t think you’re alone in getting these, either. Just this week, I was followed by this fake:

First of all, artists do not have private social media accounts with which to contact you. Second of all, what is “officee?” Is it supposed to be Carrie’s private office?  Is it some new shorthand for “official?” Or is it maybe someone who doesn’t have a grasp of the English language but does have a grasp on the amount of fans who will do anything for their favorite artist, Carrie Underwood?

What you need to do when these accounts follow you, even before they make an attempt to contact you, is to report them and block them. AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER SEND THEM MONEY. Even if DIerks Bentley wasn’t making piles of money bigger than your house by touring and putting on music festivals and selling overpriced t-shirts at his shows, even if he somehow found himself unable to make the mortgage this month, you know who he’s gonna ask for help? NOT YOU. And not on social media.

Y’all. Let’s be smart about this. I don’t want your grandma to lose her life savings to some Nigerian prince who figured out who to use the internet to make a living, mmmkay? Cool.