It was a couple days before Christmas, and at his desk, was a recovering Aidan who felt very grotesque. He had suffered a case of something so vile. “I’m much better now,” he said with a crooked smile. However, Aidan was stuck thinking of an article to write. “There is nothing happening in metal!” and he was kind of right. Before he lost hope on what to do next, he got hit up by his homie Drew, in strange written text.

 

“Hey man I got some family coming and I wanted to make a Christmas playlist, but throw in some weird metal Christmas songs. Do you know any?”

 

Aidan sat there, and thought in a very deep pause… “YO, I should recommend songs to headbang with Santa Clause!”

 

5) August Burns Red - Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

 

To start this list right, you need something familiar and fast paced, and nothing is better than August Burns Red’s cover of the Christmas classic. If this track does not get you in the right “bright eyed” state you wish for, don’t worry, because August Burns Red has 2 Christmas albums! I am not joking. I guess this metalcore band from Lancaster, Pennsylvania just knows how to get into the spirit of things… or they lost a bet? Regardless, this short and sweet cover should be in everyone’s Christmas playlist this year.

 

4) AC/DC - Mistress for Christmas

 

If the last song did not do it for you, then this one should make you feel warm and fuzzy. AC/DC brought this little number out on 1990’s Razors Edge, confusing many folks that went through the album. Its very existence is still very strange to me, but I can’t help listening to it every winter season. Maybe it’s the Christmas bells in the background that accommodates the well synchronized guitar riff. Or it could be the fact this sounds like the X-rated Christmas classic that was never released due to its scandalous nature. All I know is that AC/DC delivered a banging Christmas track that can get everyone’s head banging.

 

3) King Diamond - No Presents for Christmas

 

Got some rotten little kids in the family, well King Diamond has an anthem for you to play! After Mercyful Fate had disbanded, King Diamond decided that the first single he would release would be… a Christmas song? Screw it, I’m not going to complain. This song completely shreds and has become a huge staple in King Diamond winter tours.  The only way to compliment this song even more, is if you played this song while stuffing stockings with coal.

 

2) Trans-Siberian Orchestra - Wizards in Winter

 

If you were slightly familiar with metal Christmas music, it is probably because of this band right here. A group like none other, Trans-Siberian Orchestra brings the very heart  and wonder of Christmas classics out in a new light. The live shows are like nothing I have ever seen before and musical talent is on par with the greats of past. If you enjoy this track of theirs, then please dive into the whole album “The Lost Christmas Eve” and experience new takes of the songs you grew up with as a child again.

 

1) Ronnie James Dio -  God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

 

Let us put a perfect bow on this list and end with the one and only Dio! Accompanied by Tony Iommi, Rudy Sarzo, Simon Wright, and Simon Wright, this all-star group crush this classic! No other song can flawlessly end a night of cheer like this one. So grab the hot coco, sit by the fire with the family, and blast some Dio.

 

There we have it, ending on a good note. Aidan had finished the article, and was happy with what he wrote.

 

But then he saw the time and it was way past 5! “Oh snap gotta go… OH AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM SLACKER & LIVEXLIVE!”

Maybe you’re tired of hearing me harp on this, but it keeps happening, so I have to keep reminding you. Your favorite country artist (or any celebrity, for that matter) has a blue check next to their name on their social media accounts. If there’s no blue check, it’s not the artist, it’s a scammer trying to take something from you.

Did you see this article out of Rock Hill, SC? A woman there told police that her sister spent two years sending cashier’s checks and gift cards to someone pretending to be Dierks Bentley on Twitter. They exchanged text messages over that two years, and she sent this fraud more than $160,000. That is not a typo.

Last year I had a conversation about this with Granger Smith, who has been really active in going after these fakes, including that time he actually pretended to be a country music fan on Twitter, baited the fakes, and then jumped into a conversation with one. And he said there’s something kind of obvious we have to start thinking about.

And you might remember earlier this summer when Blake Shelton and a bunch of others created this public service announcement reminding you that it’s bullshit.

Don’t think you’re alone in getting these, either. Just this week, I was followed by this fake:

First of all, artists do not have private social media accounts with which to contact you. Second of all, what is “officee?” Is it supposed to be Carrie’s private office?  Is it some new shorthand for “official?” Or is it maybe someone who doesn’t have a grasp of the English language but does have a grasp on the amount of fans who will do anything for their favorite artist, Carrie Underwood?

What you need to do when these accounts follow you, even before they make an attempt to contact you, is to report them and block them. AND NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER SEND THEM MONEY. Even if DIerks Bentley wasn’t making piles of money bigger than your house by touring and putting on music festivals and selling overpriced t-shirts at his shows, even if he somehow found himself unable to make the mortgage this month, you know who he’s gonna ask for help? NOT YOU. And not on social media.

Y’all. Let’s be smart about this. I don’t want your grandma to lose her life savings to some Nigerian prince who figured out who to use the internet to make a living, mmmkay? Cool.

It’s hard to believe but arguably the greatest producer of a few generations, Teddy Riley has never been honored in his hometown of Harlem, NY. That glaring oversight was rectified on Sunday afternoon as Riley and some of his most famous and successful collaborators, Keith Sweat, Doug E. Fresh, Kool Moe Dee and Guy member Damion Hall were presented with keys to the city, official proclamations and even made honorary chieftains at a ceremony under the Apollo Theater’s world famous marquee. Sunday night the triumphant contingent headlined non-stop action filled concert that celebrated the New Jack Swing.

“Tonight is gonna be amazing, but I’m in disbelief I am at the Apollo,” Riley said as he took the stage at the first of two shows on Sunday.

The Big Apple born music man served as maestro for the show, staying on stage singing, dancing, hosting, and playing the keyboard for just about the concert’s entirety.

All the stars performed records mostly produced for them by Riley.

Teddy started, backed by dancers and singing his signature theme, “Teddy’s Jam.” He then went into Michael Jackson’s “Remember the Time,” singing chorus in auto tune.

Riley then made way for the man his nicknamed “The General.”

While all of the acts wore Black Sunday evening, Moe Dee came out clad in cocaine white from head to toe except his trademarked shades.

Moe Dee hit the audience with a three piece of classics from the 80s, “Do You Know What Time It Is,” “Go See The Doctor” “How You Like Me Now,” and of course his biggest record “Wild Wild West.” The matter of course talked about living in Harlem right by the Apollo.

MC Lyte followed with a brief set of “Paper Thing” and “Ruff Neck.” She talked about going down to Virginia Beach, VA to meet Riley and work on the records.

The vibe went from BK to Uptown Mount Vernon and The Bronx. Al B. Sure had a short stint where he sang a piece of Joedeci’s “Forever My Lady” (a song he originally wrote) to the recently passed Kim Porter.

DJ’s D-Nice and Eddie F quarterbacked a tribute to one of Riley’s closest friends, Heavy D, highlight by a dance tribute to “Now That We Found Love” ft. Aaron Hall.

“We’re not afraid of anything,” Teddy, returning to stage, would say minutes later. “We don’t fear anybody but God.”

SWV amped the energy in the building up a few notches. “I’m So Into You,” “Weak” and “Right Here” were all winners by the trio.

The reigns of the show returned to TR as he brought out both of his group in separate sets. First was Blackstreet, whose lineup has changed several times throughout the last two decades, but Riley always seems to find pristine vocalist to keep the group’s integrity. And while Blackstreet now features two NewJacks in place of original members Levi Little and Chauncey Black, harmonious heavyweight Dave Hollister is back in the fold and serves as the group anchor and big gun.

“Don’t Leave Me” and “Joy” were sang with a passion and urgency as if the quartet’s lives were in the line to get cheers. The crowd applauded and stood in awe at some points of how flawless and powerful the team’s vocals were. “Joy,” a song originally where ChaunceyBlack would shine, was a tag team effort on Sunday with the group showing precise chemistry. The tempo went up, for their closer “No Diggity” and Blackstreet’s voices remained immaculate as the Apollo began to dance.

As one group exited, Guy’s set started just about immediately after as Damion and Aaron Hall joined Riley on stage. They kept the party going with “Groove Me.” Teddy and The Hall’s then focused on the ballads. The crowd sang along with ardor for “Bye Bye Love,” “Piece of my Love” and “Let’s Chill.” These weren’t just R&B chart toppers back in their 80s and early 90s heydays. There were anthems that started in New York made by New York artists. Hearing Aaron Hall’s voice on those records on Sunday transported you back to that time.

“I gotta get a break,” one lady said after Guy’s finale of “I Like.” The record had everyone out of their seats and dancing. “That was fantastic.”

Riley however wasn’t prepared to stop. The onslaught of hits continued.

“The party ain’t over. The party ain’t over,” the legendary producer insisted.

“Doug E. Fresh came out for “The Show” and brought Lil Vicious for “Freaks.”

Keith Sweat was last in the parade of stars, paying homage to Johnny Kemp as he started with “Just Got Paid.” The record is Kemp’s biggest hit but few people remember Sweat wrote the song and Riley produced it.

“Somebody turn my s--t up,” Sweat said about his mic. There were problems throughout the show with the mics, but it didn’t impede the concert.

Sweat walked in the audience down the soles and serenaded the ladies on “Nobody.” And after “Make It Last Forever,” the singer jokingly addressed the elephant in the room.

“I heard the s--t y’all used to talk about me back in the day,” he laughed. “How I like to beg and s--t. Where all my single ladies at? Where all my ladies that wanna be single at?”

During another break to fix the mics, Sweat assured the audience he is always the real thing.

“Ain’t no lip syncing going on,” Sweat said with is raspy tone. He then looked down to a woman in the front row.

You like this s--t baby? I sound just like my record.”

The New Jack Swing show ended like a family BBQ with most of the acts returning to the stage together as Sweat sang Cameo’s “Candy.” As Aaron Hall came out, Sweat grabbed his hand, walked Hall to the front and both sang the lyrics made famous by Larry Blackmon.

“It's like candy./You sure are sweet
You're so dandy./You're taking my appetite, but it's all right./It's like candy./You look real nice, wrapped up tight./You're so dandy
You're giving me a heart attack
It's the kind I like.”

Right after the show, the crowd was whisked outside because Riley and company had a second concert scheduled just minutes after the first one ended. Obviously that show started a little behind schedule.